Thursday, December 22, 2005

The night Pelosi stole the libs' Christmas

'Twas the night before recess and all through the Senate
Not a Demo would stand, every seat had one in it
The libs wre all seated all snug in their chairs
Hoping that trashing Bush would make congress theirs
Teddy was staring at Pelosi with glee
Mumbling something about clarified butter, or ghee

Then what did his lecherous eyes turn to next
But the sight of Nan's face falling off on her chest
Seems the botox grew brittle and the skin had turned hard
And the seam twixt the two had come deftly ajar
Not exactly comic, it was somewhat disturbin'
It bounced like a marble and landed on Durbin

He wore it like bozo but it wasn't so funny
When he started to flop around screamin' 'bout Rummy
Still no eyes in that august body did widen
When Dick flipped it off smartly to land it on Biden
Joe stood there and thought, "what's this thing that I wear?
And my God, I hope it don't mess with my hair"!

As he shook his frozen locks and the mask flew-ooh, scary!
It landed anon on the head of John Kerry
Who turned to his colleagues and, nuanced at that,
Exclaimed, "here's proof! It's my long-lost lucky hat!
I lost it at Christmas in Cambodia one time
When we were fighting, illegally, across enemy lines"

That's when Nancy, recovering from losing her face,
Stepped up and snatched it from Kerry's coifed pate
She spoke not a word but went straight to the task
slapping Fix-adent all over the inside of her mask
Then donning the pelt and seating her tush
She missed not a lick of her griping 'bout Bush

Then the face that won't break when it falls on the floor
Or goes bouncing down hallways and slams into the door,
Began smiling a grin that was from ear-to-ear
And she said that the season was more about cheer
All this griping and moaning and kvetching 'bout Bush
Should stop at this moment and the lib crowd just hushed

"Her loss caused her pain" "It's PTSS",
the libs all cried out like Dr. Phil on CBS
"She can't feel this way. It's the stress, that's all"
But Pelosi had lost more than face at this hall
She lost her ability to mime the lib bleats
She lost her attachment to thespian cheats

And I heard her exclaim 'ere she traipsed out of sight
"Speak truth to power. Merry Christmas, alright"?


camojack said...

Funny stuff. Too bad it just ain't so...

Hawkeye® said...

Wow! That was just great Beerme! I LOVED it! But I agree with Camo... too bad it ain't true. I mean, you could probably tap Pelosi's face with a pencil and it would break.


Beerme said...

Thanks, Hawkeye®,

I composed it kinda quick and afterwards, I felt I should have stuck in a reference to the Grinch that stole Christmas near the end. Something like, "Some say she no longer wanted Bush to pay, Pelosi's brain grew six sizes that day" (insert after "...thespian cheats"). But I didn't want to go back to it to fix it.

Of course I have no expectation of such a turnaround but was filled with the hope and goodwill of the Christmas season...

MargeinMI said...

Thanks for the early morning tears of laughter Beerme! I like the alternate ending also. Maybe Nancy could finish off by singing, "All I Want for Christmas is My Face in One Piece."

Beerme said...

Thanks Marge, now I have three endings! I'm so confused.

Hope you have a great new year!